Zorb Balling: The grass is always greener, and, er, bluer.

Zorb ball? Sounds like some sort of medical ailment of the crotch region if you ask me. But apparently it's some kind of relatively new way to kill yourself by being strapped into a giant plastic ball which then rolls ever-faster down a hill.

People pay good money for this sort of thing and it is considered fun.
Next thing I know I'm being strapped -- ankles, wrists, and shoulder harness -- into this giant clear orb. Hell, the last time I was bound up this good was at Madame Lash's House of Pain after a particularly good Christmas party.

You ready? 'No.'

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my God. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh. Blue sky. Green grass. blue sky. Green grass. blue sky green grass blue sky green grassblueskygreengrassblueskygreengrassaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarggghhhh. NO! Stop this thing I want to get out. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! bluegreenbluegreenbluegreenblugreblgrblgrblgrblgrbgbgbgbgbgbgbg. I'm too young to die!!!
F%$@*&!!! Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmm!!!

'Um, Mr Lloyd ... Mr Lloyd, you can come out now, the ride has finished.'

'Oh ... haha, yes.' I'm not sure how exactly I came to be in the foetal position with all that strapping, but there you go. 'Brilliant, fantastic, best thing I've ever done in my life. Let's do it again ...' As I exit the ball, my legs turn to jelly and I execute a perfect face-plant.

So there you have it: zorb balling. Just one of the many fantastically fun activities you can enjoy at Life Park (adjacent The Greenery Resort) in Khao Yai. There's also laser target shooting, ATV's go karts, bungy jumping and a whole bunch of other things probably dreamed up by New Zealanders with nothing to live for.

You'll find me in the kiddies' pool, near the long curly slide, waiting for the big red bucket to tip on my head ...