Friday Funny: Some Humour from the Hills of Northern Thailand

Taken at a rather touristy Hmong hilltribe village, Doi Mae Salong.
-- makes you wonder about the precedent  that caused this sign, doesn't it?

Sign inside the room at Little Home Guest House, Doi Mae Salong.
Another good reason to keep your shoes handy is so you can chuck them at the bloody roosters
 which will wake you at around 4:30 am, jing jing.

Phaleease enjoy your weekend.

Tea for Thailand.

When part of Chiang Kai Shek’s defeated Chinese army needed a place of refuge back in the late 1940s, they were allowed to settle in the northern hills of Chiang Rai province. 

Today they grow the best tea in the country (if not the region); a wide variety of Chinese greens, oolongs, and herbal varieties. 

It’s worth a visit up Doi Mae Salong to see their colourful, Chinese-influenced way of life, and of course to stock up on rare aged pu-erh and fragrant jasmine teas. The sweeping views of the fields in bloom are pure magic.

And you can spend a whole day tea-shop hopping, as the tea buffs pour out their knowledge as well as their product.

One connoisseur tells me no you mustn't let the leaves soak for 3 minutes. Another says you never drink the 'first pour' you must rinse the dirty leaves first and then drink. Others insist I plant my large Western beak firmly into the leaves to savour the aroma.of about 50 different types before I choose. 

They all smell the same to me, jing jing. Sort of like, well, dried leaves really!

But if you can't make it there, many teahouses across Thailand can fix you a soothing cuppa. Three of my favourites for atmosphere include:

Raming Tea House Siam Celadon, Chiang Mai (www.ramingtea.com): Located in a fine old teak building (nearly 100 years old now), this tea house basks in Siamese nostalgia and earthenware.Despite being in the busy Tha Pae Road area, it allows you to wallow in its quiet garden atmosphere, in something of a time warp as you sip your cuppa or enjoy a healthy light meal.

Namcha Samui Tea House, Koh Samui (www.namchasamui.com): Utterly charming, this new tea house in Fisherman's Village captures the tea-drinking experiences of China, Japan, England and Africa (the latter being the home of rooibos) in four separate corners. So chic you'd think you were in London, Paris or New York but with Samui casualness. Healthy wraps and rolls are a big hit too. 

Agalico Tea House, Sukhumvit Soi 51, Bangkok (www.agalico.co.th): Designed by one of Thailand's foremost landscapers, ML Poomchai's idea here seems to be to transport people back to the Great Age of Travel ... think Somersert Maugham and Joseph Conrad ... with its white-on-white rattan sofas, hanging bird cages, and tropical gardens. Oh, and they serve a damn fine cup of European style tea too.

Chinese Laundry ...

It's a 2-in-1 service ... laundry and dry cleaning!  Doi Mae Salong, Chiang Rai.

Sweets For My Sweet, Sugar For My Honey ...

That's Mee the master cook in the white apron.

Anticipation was high, the expectation great. After all, a French friend of mine -- a chef in a Michelin-rated restaurant in Paris and Australia -- had been raving about Sweet Mae Salong cafe:

"Oh, you must try their creme brulee, it is the best one outside of Paris!"

Really? A place in the boondocks of northern Thailand dishing up gourmet desserts?

I found myself in the mountains of Doi Mae Salong recently, and so naturally had to check out this place. On the lower part of the town, Sweet Mae Salong is perfectly charming from the outside with its wood and bamboo cladding.

Then once inside, cool jazz tunes sweep over you, and your eyes are drawn to the valley outside. The cafe hangs over a stunning piece of countryside, with terraced tea plantations opposite. Cast your eyes around and you can hardly believe you're in some little mountain town; it feels as cool as anywhere in downtown Sukhumvit Road. Magazines in any number of languages, arty photographs of the area, and a certain designery chic.

Sooo out of place ...

Sweet Mae Salong is the 'baby' of Ton and Mee, a lovely young couple from Bangkok who decided to pursue their dream. "My family ran a traditional Thai restaurant, very primitive," she laughs. "But I love baking, not really cooking."

Oh, so she studied dessert making under some renowned chef or something? "No, I studied international business in Melbourne," she laughs. "And I studied photography," chimes in the affable Ton. "Spend lots of money to study in Melbourne, now serve coffee and bake cakes!" 

They serve up a splendid breakfast; a mountain of scrambled eggs, bacon, and sausage with slices of the best home-made wholemeal bread thick as hard-cover novels. Ton's tertiary education was not wasted -- his coffee is spot on.

Other guests shuffle into the tiny cafe, rugged up against the morning chill which can get down to about 5 or 10 degrees on a wintry morning. Everyone wants to sit on the balcony and be thawed by the morning son that stream across those tables.

We chat between cups of coffee. Why Doi Mae Salong? "It's a balance between nature, culture and money," says the artistically slim Ton. "And Mae Salong is interesting. We have tradition and we have the internet." A Mac computer sits wired nearby. "But it's quiet versus Bangkok and Mee loves the weather."

Over a period of a few days of dropping in here, we feel a sense of homeliness, a compliment to the couple. Our group samples a number of items from Mee's 30-dessert repertoire (she bakes around 3 or 4 of those different items each day). The raspberry tart is wicked, and the creme brulee is, indeed, the best this side of Paris.Or maybe the best including Paris, jing jing.

For someone who doesn't have a sweet tooth, I amazingly find myself hankering to get back there. And, like my French friend, I too have been raving about this great little cafe in the mountains of Mae Salong ...

Khum Nai Pon - A pretty fancy campsite

Armin, a Swiss friend of mine who runs custom tours through Northern Thailand, has suggested Khum Nai Pon as the best accommodation in the hill town of Doi Mae Salong. As we ride up the main road (well, the town is only one road wide as it's on a precipitous ridge) we see the hotel ahead ...

Charming wooden villas, each nestled amid tea plantations, golden trumpet flowers and flaming red hibiscus. So far so good.

We meet the gracious host, Khun Yuie, at the casual reception/ dining area as we admire the sweeping views down over the valley and the colourful tiled roofs of the Chinese town which hugs the ridge until it drops out of sight.

The original Khum Nai Pon buildings

Yuie is keen to share the fabulous history of this site. "Khum Nai Pon means Nai Pon's Camp," she says, "and he was a general in the Kuo Min Tang army who fought against the communists." I strap myself in for an instant history lesson of the area. "He also headed up security for Khun Sa, the drug dealer, and provided protection and passage for his opium into Burma."

Gee, thanks Armin, what kind of sleazy dive have we got ourselves into here?

Yuie extends her arm out to the valley: "This whole area was poppy fields."

She came here 10 years ago, once the area had been cleaned up. "There was nothing, just nature. So quiet you could hear the birds. But the promotion has been too successful ... now motorbikes." Indeed Mae Salong has grown in leaps and bounds since being opened up to the general public (it was a no-go zone for many years because of the military and drug activities).

She suggests the town could retain its quaintness by putting in a big car park at the top then everybody can use horse-and-cart from there. She adds a rather deranged clip-clop sound which reminds me of the introduction to Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

There are none of the original buildings left, instead replaced by cute and comfortable villas, with little balconies affording wide open views.The general certainly chose a good spot.

But then I guess when you're the general and the strongman for the world's biggest drug czar, you can have any damn place you want, jing jing.