Hotel Koh Samui -- Coral Cove Chalet

The taxi driver damn near causes an accident as we round a bend on the ring road between Chaweng and Lamai: He sees a sign that says Coral Cove and stops dead in his tracks. I tell him to go a bit further round the corner where it's safer to turn. Then there are two more places called Coral Cove something or other. What the? I have completely forgotten which one I have booked into, just assuming it was one place called the Coral Cove.

And you know what they say about the word 'assume': it makes an ass out of u and me.

As luck would have it, Coral Cove Chalet where I enquire is where I'm staying. I pay my taxi driver and wish him a safe onward journey. Coral Cove Chalet belongs to Khun Seni, who runs the Tourism Association of Koh Samui (I interviewed him a few blogs back, you'll remember) and he's very kindly put me up for a night here.

A wonderful tropical malaise permeates this resort. Afternoon sea breezes drift in through the open-sided reception area, and the impossibly blue waters of Coral Cove glisten just below. It is a perfect crescent of white sand, framed by massive grey boulders. Snorkelling, even scuba diving, can be done in the crystal shallows just off the beach. What a great spot. Totally quiet, yet 10 minutes either way to the bright lights of Chaweng to the north or up-and-coming Lamai to the south. Out of sheer excitement, I let out a massive yawn ...

My room is one of 43 deluxe rooms. Some are in the so-called deluxe block, others free standing. It's a good thing I'm wearing my sunglasses: All the bungalows are done out in a jaunty yellow. Some gay interior designer would probably venture it'th popcorn yellow or thunflower yellow. You get the idea. But the interior is a vivid pink that makes me feel like I've accidentally walked into a girls' dorm at a boarding school. Fortunately, those in the deluxe block are more classic muted tropical earthy tones.

Dark woods set the tone for the rooms, and I throw open the balcony door to let in the sea air. The view really is gorgeous, framed by coconut palms and banana leaves -- Seni's picked a great spot here.  It's not designery, it's not ostentatious, nor intimidating. But it's clean and comfortable. A cool place to hang out for a beach holiday. And to think that deluxe rooms start at just 1800 baht per night (with whisper quiet air-conditioning).

You'll save in other ways too. Where a pick-up van cost me 1800 baht per day to rent through other hotels in Chaweng, the staff here found me one for 1200. And helped me with my unreasonable demands for adapters, phone chargers, and other NASA-like gadgets that are the life support system of a disorganised journalist on the road.

Breakfast is served at Coral's Restaurant overlooking the kidney-shaped pool, where 30 deckchairs -- if you don't believe me, count them yourself -- slumber under umbrellas. They serve Thai, western and Chinese meals which I didn't try (honesty is my new year's resolution, we'll see how long that lasts) but the western breakfast selection I can wholeheartedly vouch for. Jing jing!

Big smiles upon check out. 'Can we call you a taxi, Khun Lloyd?'

'A taxi? N-n-no thanks, I'll walk. It's safer.'

Hotel Koh Samui -- Kirikayan Boutique Resort: THE ART OF HOSPITALITY

When the garden corridor of a hotel is called 'Art Avenue' you know some serious design work has gone into the place. Such is the case at the brand-spanking-new Kirikayan Boutique Resort, smack dab in the middle of Chaweng Beach. Why even the tissue boxes in the rooms look like Philippe Starck got together with Salvador Dali on a serious bender one crazy summer evening ...

This resort has just opened in December. In fact, some workmen still busy themselves with drills in the lobby as guests arrive for their cold towel and refreshing welcome drink. That's cutting it fine! But arguably the most refreshing part of this hotel is its staff: summery smiles and an infectious enthusiasm all round. Little touches like bead anklets round off the casual nautical-but-nice blue and white outfits (no black-tie stuffiness around here).

The overall appearance is, not surprisingly, tropical Asia. But more generically South-east Asian -- almost Chinese with all that red -- than Thai. And down Art Avenue there's the (tick the box) infinity pool looking right out over the magic emerald water of Chaweng Beach.

The rooms are fabulous in the real sense of the word: striking swatches of silk and daring feature walls complement the black, gold and white of a massive glass screen mural (see photo) which separates the bedroom from the bathroom. The bed is king-sized but the room is not. Space is at a real premium here unless you upgrade to the Sunrise Terrace with its seaview deck and open-air jacuzzi. Samsung has done a roaring trade with most hotels of this upscale nature; too bad they didn't throw in a DVD player while they were at it.

The bathroom is another work of art in itself. The basin tap features an intricate perspex and chrome mixer that looks like it was rebuilt from some sketches by Leonardo Da Vinci, or the early Egyptians, trying to figure out viaducts. Rain shower but no bath tub.

It's best then to spend your time lolling -- I like that word: lolling, lolling, lolling -- around the pool deck where daybeds with super-thick cushions make it all too easy for the day to slip away, for you to fall asleep, and for you to get burnt to a shade of red a lobster would envy. Yes, that did happen to me, thanks for asking. (Frangipani trees are among my favourite in the world. But for all their lush beauty and evocative romantic aroma they afford little shade.)

The pool menu scores highly with its banana shakes and cajun calamari (although, ethically, I prefer free-range calamari). However, and I'll put this down to teething problems in the F&B department, it took 20 minutes for the shake to arrive and 20 minutes to be told they were all out of calamari. Jai yen yen as they say in Thai -- chill, bro. But prices are very reasonable: 80 baht for a plate of pad Thai is good considering it's peak season at a top resort on Chaweng Beach. I like hotels that don't try and turn you upside down and shake your pockets clean because you are a 'captive' audience.

Speaking of jai yen yen, there are four massage salas around the pool, surrounded by lotus ponds, where skilled masseuses will evaporate the cares of the world. And suddenly that slow banana shake doesn't seem like the end of the world anymore.

And that, dear readers, is the real art of hospitality ...

KOH SAMUI -- Choosing the right beach for you

Samui and Chaweng Beach are synonymous. Like Kuta and Bali. And, um, Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. But Chaweng may not be to everybody's liking all the time (or indeed any of the time). Luckily on Thailand's third largest island there's plenty of choice when it comes to finding your place in the sun ...

Chaweng:

Now a big, busy, bustling town with everything you could possibly want, and then a little more. It's the longest beach, measuring around 5km -- once again, if you don't believe me, get out your tape measure --and that's what probably created the attraction of Samui in the first place. Along that beach road are conservatively one hundred hotels, a thousand restaurants, ten thousand shops (most of them 7-11s), and a million massage joints. Something like that. Many of the top designer 5-star resorts are nestled in here, but there are also more affordable options for mere mortals too. Traffic on the main strip crawls along at about 20km/h (apart from tattoed and bare-chested boy racers who try and squeeze the maximum out of their rental scooters). The shopping stalls are cheap, cheap, cheap by Western standards, but not by Thai standards. Try Nathon on the west coast instead for better deals. Lots of bars, pubs, nightlife. So it's lively around the clock. Got it?

Want to be close to all of this, but want more peace and quiet? Try Chaweng Noi beach, five minutes south. Nice cove with a few hotels and bungalows right on the water's edge, and some excellent casual seafood places.

Lamai:

Lamai -- on the south-eastern shore -- is emerging as something of a succesor to Chaweng, albeit in a more tasteful direction. A brand new shopping mall has gone in that looks like a Versacci palace -- quite out of place now, but it will attract quality developments around it. Lamai is decidedly lower key than Chaweng, but plenty of new upscale resorts and restaurants and spas coming on stream now. A nice town to stroll through, checking out cafes and stalls, and an excellent swimming beach with great seafood restaurants dotted along it. Nightlife options include a lively selection of bars. About a 20 minute drive to Chaweng.

Taling Ngam:

The west coast of Samui is far less developed. Why? Who knows. Perhaps the beaches are a bit more rocky, more grainy brown sand than the fine powdery white stuff (I'm talking about beach sand here) on the other side. On the upside, you get spectacular sunsets dropping into the ocean, silhouetting the self-explanatory Five Islands, and the upthrusts of the Anthong Marine National Park off in the distance. So its romantic quotient is very high. Couple this with more seclusion, more bungalow-style accomodation, and palm trees swaying right over the water's edge, and you've got a recipe for love. (Excuse me, I've been in the sun way too long, I'll just move inside.) About a 40 minute drive to Chaweng.

Bang Po:

My favourite. Tucked away on the north west coast, a million tourists buzz along the ring road never even knowing this place exists. A few smallish hotels, a few new boutique-style operations, plus a lot of residential compounds owned mainly by Europeans straddle the road, blocking the view of the water. So there are no casual 'drop ins' ... the only people you'll see on the beach (see photo) are those who are living here or staying here. It's west enough to enjoy spectacular sunsets over Anthong, while gargling a couple of Singhas at one of the local seafood restaurants that sit right in the sand.

Mae Nam:

Nestled in front of some quite dramatic hills, Mae Nam seems to be the favourite spot for expats and long-term lounge lizards who spend a few months each year in Samui. That must say something (and once I've worked it out, you'll be the first to know.) The beach itself is a lovely crescent with beautiful views over Koh Phangan. Much less hustle here. The seafood restaurants on the beach and the main ring road are really good and cheap -- they have to be to keep the local regulars who live in the mushrooming residential developments around coming back.

Bo Phut:

This was my favourite hangout in the days of Rasta Baby, a driftwood bar on the beach with views over the fishing boats at anchor to Big Buddha. Somehow it summed up the essence of Samui then. Languid. Fun. Peaceful. Well, do you know what? Rasta Baby was steamrollered in favour of a sprawling five star resort, but Bo Phut still smells like Samui spirit even though some consider this to have more of a Mediterranean village feel. It is centred on one street lined with Thai-style shophouses, just about all of them seafood restaurants (the longest standing, I believe, being the Happy Elephant). 

Choeng Mon:

Right on the north-eastern tip of Samui looking across to Phangan, this series of coves and bays means that many developments have sprung up here but are all secluded visually from each other. Perfect. Some of the most upscale developments on the island have thus chosen to set up camp here (if you could call Tong Sai Bay or the Six Senses a 'camp'). Sorry noisy and smelly backpackers -- apply elsewhere! Fine for swimming, most of the beaches are framed at each end by rocky outcrops or headlands.

Bear your transport in mind: some hotels offer a shuttle into Chaweng, others offer hotel cars or local taxis (which are surprisingly expensive -- 800 baht from the west coast to Chaweng for example). Of course you can always rent a car (figure on about 2000 baht a day, 1200-1800 for a pick-up van) or a motorcycle, or flag a song taew van that's going your way.

So (swim) suit yourself  on Samui.