A luxury love nest near Lamai, Samui, Thailand.

"We are a hotel for lovers," says Khun Nok, with a cheeky sparkle in her eyes. Indeed, lounging in the airy reception area is a bit like watching something from Noah's Ark ... the couples come in two by two. No families. No solo travellers.

I didn't ask her what percentage would be honeymooners, but I suspect a lot. For Villa Nalinnadda is billed as a small luxury romantic hotel. Even the dining area on the sand near the pool has only two tables. And the hotel itself, only a handful of rooms.




The chaos and madness of Chaweng is a long way from this love nest. In a good way. This villa is just south of Lamai, which has enough bright lights, bars and restaurants for those who want to come up for air.

The dazzling white rooms are purpose-built. Centre stage are large four-poster beds, and a sumptuous tub. The top floor rooms feature a jacuzzi-style tub on the balcony. To lie there amid the bubbles, gazing into your lover's eyes - or even at the milky way above - is a prelude to love and romance. There is no turning back!

"Some more conservative Thais complain about this," says Nok. "How can you make it so ... so ... obvious," she chuckles. But a seedy love motel this is NOT. All the fixtures and fittings are beautifully and carefully selected. Like the feather-decked curtains, adding an indulgent orgiastic feel. I note, though, that the standard mini-bar supplies don't include condoms.




And breakfast can be served in your room, at the reasonable waking hour of your choice.Then the day is yours, recline around the pool, or to amble along the beach with resident spaniel Pistacchio waggling along with you.

Just nearby is the setting off point for Samui's famous fleet of squid boats, who dot the horizon at night with their green floodlights.

A wry reminder that everything is "GO" at this villa. In a raunchy red-light romantic kind of way.

www.nalinnadda.com

Still on the hippy trail in Samui

As we drive up through the backblocks of Lamai into the Varinda Resort I do a double-take. It seems like Alice in Wonderland has dropped an acid trip. Or Andy Warhol and Salvador Dali have just been here on a huge beach-side bender.

Mermaids and goats poke from the undergrowth. Bicycles hang from trees. Multi-hued rocking horses eye me from the pathway, jing jing.

Everything --and I do really mean everything -- is in bright, bold, primary colours. In your face.

In the lobby I do another double-take. Literally. Owner Yindee (Noi) and her daughter Varinda (Oil) could almost pass for twins although there is 20 years between them. Oh, and they're not mother-daughter; Noi is the aunt, being Oil's mum Chanida's sister. Goddit?

In their tie-dyed tees, sarongs, and wildly coloured bandannas, you immediately realise this is not the Hyatt Regency. "You don't come to a hotel in Samui, you are coming to see Noi your friend," she beams. "It is very humble but this is our house and your home too."

Noi sees herself as a hippie and dresses like this everyday ... even when on corporate roadshows. A far cry one suspects from when she worked with UNESCO for 14 years. "Samui talks about 4 star, 5 star, but we are here for the backpackers. Twenty years ago, this was the place for Aussie hippies to party."

And a nice spot it is too, on a promontory affording long views over Lamai Bay. "We are not on the beach but we have access through the family's property next door."

Family is a recurring theme with the artistic Noi. She's a painter, and so's Oil, hence the colourful splashes on every surface in, on and around the main buildings and the villas." The latter studied in the UK, and Chanida''s son is about to study hotel management in Switzerland. "But I told him you will not change anything here, we like it like this."

There is lots to love about the low-key laid-back environment.  All the balcony railings and all the furniture in the restaurant, are all hand made from wood from the property's orchard. It is rustic and enchanting compared to many of its newer modern generic neighbours. And when you're in the poolside sala overlooking the bay, nirvana seems somewhere just over the horizon.

"Samui is great because there's no low season," she says with those eyes sparkling again, laughing. "Great isn't it? Amazing!" Just then the rain slices in over the bay, sending diners ducking for cover.

"You can go to Bali and the beaches are great, too, but in Thailand ... it's the people," she says, touching her heart. "Next time come, and we'll go crazy, have a BBQ ..."

They don't teach you that at hotel management school in Switzerland. But they should.

Hotel Koh Samui -- Coral Cove Chalet

The taxi driver damn near causes an accident as we round a bend on the ring road between Chaweng and Lamai: He sees a sign that says Coral Cove and stops dead in his tracks. I tell him to go a bit further round the corner where it's safer to turn. Then there are two more places called Coral Cove something or other. What the? I have completely forgotten which one I have booked into, just assuming it was one place called the Coral Cove.

And you know what they say about the word 'assume': it makes an ass out of u and me.

As luck would have it, Coral Cove Chalet where I enquire is where I'm staying. I pay my taxi driver and wish him a safe onward journey. Coral Cove Chalet belongs to Khun Seni, who runs the Tourism Association of Koh Samui (I interviewed him a few blogs back, you'll remember) and he's very kindly put me up for a night here.

A wonderful tropical malaise permeates this resort. Afternoon sea breezes drift in through the open-sided reception area, and the impossibly blue waters of Coral Cove glisten just below. It is a perfect crescent of white sand, framed by massive grey boulders. Snorkelling, even scuba diving, can be done in the crystal shallows just off the beach. What a great spot. Totally quiet, yet 10 minutes either way to the bright lights of Chaweng to the north or up-and-coming Lamai to the south. Out of sheer excitement, I let out a massive yawn ...

My room is one of 43 deluxe rooms. Some are in the so-called deluxe block, others free standing. It's a good thing I'm wearing my sunglasses: All the bungalows are done out in a jaunty yellow. Some gay interior designer would probably venture it'th popcorn yellow or thunflower yellow. You get the idea. But the interior is a vivid pink that makes me feel like I've accidentally walked into a girls' dorm at a boarding school. Fortunately, those in the deluxe block are more classic muted tropical earthy tones.

Dark woods set the tone for the rooms, and I throw open the balcony door to let in the sea air. The view really is gorgeous, framed by coconut palms and banana leaves -- Seni's picked a great spot here.  It's not designery, it's not ostentatious, nor intimidating. But it's clean and comfortable. A cool place to hang out for a beach holiday. And to think that deluxe rooms start at just 1800 baht per night (with whisper quiet air-conditioning).

You'll save in other ways too. Where a pick-up van cost me 1800 baht per day to rent through other hotels in Chaweng, the staff here found me one for 1200. And helped me with my unreasonable demands for adapters, phone chargers, and other NASA-like gadgets that are the life support system of a disorganised journalist on the road.

Breakfast is served at Coral's Restaurant overlooking the kidney-shaped pool, where 30 deckchairs -- if you don't believe me, count them yourself -- slumber under umbrellas. They serve Thai, western and Chinese meals which I didn't try (honesty is my new year's resolution, we'll see how long that lasts) but the western breakfast selection I can wholeheartedly vouch for. Jing jing!

Big smiles upon check out. 'Can we call you a taxi, Khun Lloyd?'

'A taxi? N-n-no thanks, I'll walk. It's safer.'

KOH SAMUI -- Choosing the right beach for you

Samui and Chaweng Beach are synonymous. Like Kuta and Bali. And, um, Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. But Chaweng may not be to everybody's liking all the time (or indeed any of the time). Luckily on Thailand's third largest island there's plenty of choice when it comes to finding your place in the sun ...

Chaweng:

Now a big, busy, bustling town with everything you could possibly want, and then a little more. It's the longest beach, measuring around 5km -- once again, if you don't believe me, get out your tape measure --and that's what probably created the attraction of Samui in the first place. Along that beach road are conservatively one hundred hotels, a thousand restaurants, ten thousand shops (most of them 7-11s), and a million massage joints. Something like that. Many of the top designer 5-star resorts are nestled in here, but there are also more affordable options for mere mortals too. Traffic on the main strip crawls along at about 20km/h (apart from tattoed and bare-chested boy racers who try and squeeze the maximum out of their rental scooters). The shopping stalls are cheap, cheap, cheap by Western standards, but not by Thai standards. Try Nathon on the west coast instead for better deals. Lots of bars, pubs, nightlife. So it's lively around the clock. Got it?

Want to be close to all of this, but want more peace and quiet? Try Chaweng Noi beach, five minutes south. Nice cove with a few hotels and bungalows right on the water's edge, and some excellent casual seafood places.

Lamai:

Lamai -- on the south-eastern shore -- is emerging as something of a succesor to Chaweng, albeit in a more tasteful direction. A brand new shopping mall has gone in that looks like a Versacci palace -- quite out of place now, but it will attract quality developments around it. Lamai is decidedly lower key than Chaweng, but plenty of new upscale resorts and restaurants and spas coming on stream now. A nice town to stroll through, checking out cafes and stalls, and an excellent swimming beach with great seafood restaurants dotted along it. Nightlife options include a lively selection of bars. About a 20 minute drive to Chaweng.

Taling Ngam:

The west coast of Samui is far less developed. Why? Who knows. Perhaps the beaches are a bit more rocky, more grainy brown sand than the fine powdery white stuff (I'm talking about beach sand here) on the other side. On the upside, you get spectacular sunsets dropping into the ocean, silhouetting the self-explanatory Five Islands, and the upthrusts of the Anthong Marine National Park off in the distance. So its romantic quotient is very high. Couple this with more seclusion, more bungalow-style accomodation, and palm trees swaying right over the water's edge, and you've got a recipe for love. (Excuse me, I've been in the sun way too long, I'll just move inside.) About a 40 minute drive to Chaweng.

Bang Po:

My favourite. Tucked away on the north west coast, a million tourists buzz along the ring road never even knowing this place exists. A few smallish hotels, a few new boutique-style operations, plus a lot of residential compounds owned mainly by Europeans straddle the road, blocking the view of the water. So there are no casual 'drop ins' ... the only people you'll see on the beach (see photo) are those who are living here or staying here. It's west enough to enjoy spectacular sunsets over Anthong, while gargling a couple of Singhas at one of the local seafood restaurants that sit right in the sand.

Mae Nam:

Nestled in front of some quite dramatic hills, Mae Nam seems to be the favourite spot for expats and long-term lounge lizards who spend a few months each year in Samui. That must say something (and once I've worked it out, you'll be the first to know.) The beach itself is a lovely crescent with beautiful views over Koh Phangan. Much less hustle here. The seafood restaurants on the beach and the main ring road are really good and cheap -- they have to be to keep the local regulars who live in the mushrooming residential developments around coming back.

Bo Phut:

This was my favourite hangout in the days of Rasta Baby, a driftwood bar on the beach with views over the fishing boats at anchor to Big Buddha. Somehow it summed up the essence of Samui then. Languid. Fun. Peaceful. Well, do you know what? Rasta Baby was steamrollered in favour of a sprawling five star resort, but Bo Phut still smells like Samui spirit even though some consider this to have more of a Mediterranean village feel. It is centred on one street lined with Thai-style shophouses, just about all of them seafood restaurants (the longest standing, I believe, being the Happy Elephant). 

Choeng Mon:

Right on the north-eastern tip of Samui looking across to Phangan, this series of coves and bays means that many developments have sprung up here but are all secluded visually from each other. Perfect. Some of the most upscale developments on the island have thus chosen to set up camp here (if you could call Tong Sai Bay or the Six Senses a 'camp'). Sorry noisy and smelly backpackers -- apply elsewhere! Fine for swimming, most of the beaches are framed at each end by rocky outcrops or headlands.

Bear your transport in mind: some hotels offer a shuttle into Chaweng, others offer hotel cars or local taxis (which are surprisingly expensive -- 800 baht from the west coast to Chaweng for example). Of course you can always rent a car (figure on about 2000 baht a day, 1200-1800 for a pick-up van) or a motorcycle, or flag a song taew van that's going your way.

So (swim) suit yourself  on Samui.