Thailand Hotels -- How good is Bangkok Room Service?

Shelley Berman: on Thai room service 

The following sketch 'Ruin Sorbees' was the subject of much viral circulation by that new-fangled thing called the Internet back in 1997, and was also a popular article when it appeared in the (now sadly demised) Far Eastern Economic Review in Nury Vittachi's column. There has been much conjecture over whether it was an actual taped conversation between a guest and room service, or just a fictional skit, and whether it was one of the Bangkok hotels or one of the gazillion hotels in China.

At the time I was compiling the Hardship Posting series of books about Asia, I asked Nury and he clearly disowned authorship of it.

The truth is something like this ... it was written by Shelley Berman, and appeared in his book A Hotel is a Funny Place, a long, long time before the internet came around. I suspect it is based on Chinese rather than Thai hotel service, just because of the wording but either way it's a great giggle.

Read it out loud -- preferably to some friends after a few drinks -- for full enjoyment of this.

“Morny. Ruin sorbees”
“Sorry, I thought I dialed Room Service”
“Rye, Ruin sorbees. Morny! Jewish to odor sunteen?”
“Uh, yes, I’d like some bacon and eggs”
“Ow July den?”
“What??”
“Ow July den — fry, boy, pooch?”
“Oh the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled, please.”
“Ow july dee baychem-crease?”
“Crisp will be fine.”
“Hokay, An San Toes?”
“What?”
“San toes. July San toes?”
“What?”
“San toes. July San toes?”
“I don’t think so”
” No? Judo one toes?”
“I feel really bad about this, but I don’t know what judo one toes means?”
“Toes! Toes! Why je Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?”
“English Muffin! I’ve got it! You were saying “Toast”. Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.”
“We bother?”
“No, just put the bother on the side?”
“Wad?”
“I mean butter- just put it on the side”
“Copy?”
“Sorry?”
“Copy…tea…mill?”
“Yes. Coffee please, and that’s all.”
“One minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish moppingwe bother honey sigh and copy…rye?”
“Whatever you say”
“Tendjewberryjud”
“You’re welcome.”

Amazingly, Shelley Berman is in his 7th decade of show business now with a bunch of awards such as Grammys and Emmies to his name. And even has a facebook fan page.

Till next time, tenjewberryjud, and share with us YOUR best and worst room service experiences ...

Thailand Elephant Polo 2012 - Hua Hin

Warning: September 12-16 2012 pacy pachyderms will be running riot in Hua Hin, the royal seaside town just south of Bangkok.

Unstoppable: D2 makes a run down the sideline ...

Fortunately, their top speed is only around 30km/h, and they will be under the control of experienced mahouts, and goaded on by largely middle-aged, corpulent players in bright shirts, all under the guise of 'sport'.

In this case, elephant polo, jing jing.

Read my previous blog on this rather eccentric sport which brings together some heavy hitters from around the world, all building up a good sweat, quenching voracious thirsts, and building up a good amount of money to conserve Asian elephants.

The Anantara Group is behind this as usual (they set up the Golden Triangle Asian Elephant Foundation in northern Thailand), and this September the tournament returns to its spiritual home, Hua Hin, where it was first staged.

Guests at the gala dinner ...

'Anantara has partnered with some of the world’s biggest personalities of the screen, stage, fashion and business world and asked them to share their larger than life artistic talents to help raise money through an ele-auction to be held during a gala dinner,' trumpets their press release.


Over half a million dollars has been raised for charity in the 11 years this tournament has been staged.


Your humble scribe will be participating again this year (yes, as a player, not as an elephant as some have unkindly suggested!) 


For more details on Anantara King's Cup elephant polo 2012, click here.