Thailand Hotels -- How good is Bangkok Room Service?

Shelley Berman: on Thai room service 

The following sketch 'Ruin Sorbees' was the subject of much viral circulation by that new-fangled thing called the Internet back in 1997, and was also a popular article when it appeared in the (now sadly demised) Far Eastern Economic Review in Nury Vittachi's column. There has been much conjecture over whether it was an actual taped conversation between a guest and room service, or just a fictional skit, and whether it was one of the Bangkok hotels or one of the gazillion hotels in China.

At the time I was compiling the Hardship Posting series of books about Asia, I asked Nury and he clearly disowned authorship of it.

The truth is something like this ... it was written by Shelley Berman, and appeared in his book A Hotel is a Funny Place, a long, long time before the internet came around. I suspect it is based on Chinese rather than Thai hotel service, just because of the wording but either way it's a great giggle.

Read it out loud -- preferably to some friends after a few drinks -- for full enjoyment of this.

“Morny. Ruin sorbees”
“Sorry, I thought I dialed Room Service”
“Rye, Ruin sorbees. Morny! Jewish to odor sunteen?”
“Uh, yes, I’d like some bacon and eggs”
“Ow July den?”
“What??”
“Ow July den — fry, boy, pooch?”
“Oh the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled, please.”
“Ow july dee baychem-crease?”
“Crisp will be fine.”
“Hokay, An San Toes?”
“What?”
“San toes. July San toes?”
“What?”
“San toes. July San toes?”
“I don’t think so”
” No? Judo one toes?”
“I feel really bad about this, but I don’t know what judo one toes means?”
“Toes! Toes! Why je Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?”
“English Muffin! I’ve got it! You were saying “Toast”. Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.”
“We bother?”
“No, just put the bother on the side?”
“Wad?”
“I mean butter- just put it on the side”
“Copy?”
“Sorry?”
“Copy…tea…mill?”
“Yes. Coffee please, and that’s all.”
“One minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish moppingwe bother honey sigh and copy…rye?”
“Whatever you say”
“Tendjewberryjud”
“You’re welcome.”

Amazingly, Shelley Berman is in his 7th decade of show business now with a bunch of awards such as Grammys and Emmies to his name. And even has a facebook fan page.

Till next time, tenjewberryjud, and share with us YOUR best and worst room service experiences ...

books about Thailand: Hardship Posting - true tales of expat misadventure in Asia ...

Let me start with full disclosure. The author and editor of the Hardship Posting series is someone I know really well. Have done for years. In fact, all of my life. We grew up together, went to school together, and are practically inseparable as adults.

Well, it's um ... me. Jing jing!

I am blogging about this series of books now because they are just being released for the first time ever in an e-book format on Amazon. Click here to see inside the book online [insert subliminal ad message here -- Buy it! Buy it! buy it!]

Some have said it's the best Thailand travel guide because it deals with Bangkok bars, notorious Thai nightlife, airport and immigration stories and so on. But it's not really a travel guide to Thailand like the Lonely Planet. Nor is it a novel set in Thailand. Instead, it is a collection of 400 amazing and amusing stories collected from expats in Asia, covering the full spectrum of life. It just happens that most of the craziest episodes seem to happen in the Kingdom, for whatever reason (such as the British gent who posed as the High Commissioner to impress Bangkok bar girls).

There are bent police, slimy con-men, corrupt officials, and shady taxi drivers -- in other words just another day in Bangkok or Pattaya! There are also philandering expat husbands, language boo-boos, moving company dramas, etc.

I could go on and on raving about it ... it makes me feel a little awkward to do so. Honestly. Rather, listen to what various readers and reviewers have got to say about the best-selling series of 3 volumes which has already topped 70,000 sales.

"Sleazy, disgusting, politically incorrect and shockingly insensitive; I loved it" - Nury Vittachi of the HK Standard raved.

"Good fun. Everybody gets the shaft. Indeed the 280 page book isn't long enough. This reviewer often chuckled out loud." - Bernard Trink, The Bangkok Post

And, finally, one more from The Expat Magazine Singapore, who said:

"A mighty collection of tales. The bawdy humour comes thick and fast throughout. A rib-tickling read for the not-so-faint hearted."

Those last two words are important. Don't even open the cover if you are the least bit thin-skinned. You WILL be offended. No wonder it's banned in China, and unwelcome in polite society just about everywhere else.

So luckily you can buy it and download it from the privacy of your own computer now.


[The cartoons in Hardship Posting Vol 1 above, are by Larry Feign, the whizz behind the long-running World of Lily Wong strip.]

If you like the 'Washing your balls' cartoon, I have plenty of Thailand golf course stories and reviews on this blog. Such as this one from Phuket.

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