Thailand Hotels -- How good is Bangkok Room Service?

Shelley Berman: on Thai room service 

The following sketch 'Ruin Sorbees' was the subject of much viral circulation by that new-fangled thing called the Internet back in 1997, and was also a popular article when it appeared in the (now sadly demised) Far Eastern Economic Review in Nury Vittachi's column. There has been much conjecture over whether it was an actual taped conversation between a guest and room service, or just a fictional skit, and whether it was one of the Bangkok hotels or one of the gazillion hotels in China.

At the time I was compiling the Hardship Posting series of books about Asia, I asked Nury and he clearly disowned authorship of it.

The truth is something like this ... it was written by Shelley Berman, and appeared in his book A Hotel is a Funny Place, a long, long time before the internet came around. I suspect it is based on Chinese rather than Thai hotel service, just because of the wording but either way it's a great giggle.

Read it out loud -- preferably to some friends after a few drinks -- for full enjoyment of this.

“Morny. Ruin sorbees”
“Sorry, I thought I dialed Room Service”
“Rye, Ruin sorbees. Morny! Jewish to odor sunteen?”
“Uh, yes, I’d like some bacon and eggs”
“Ow July den?”
“What??”
“Ow July den — fry, boy, pooch?”
“Oh the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled, please.”
“Ow july dee baychem-crease?”
“Crisp will be fine.”
“Hokay, An San Toes?”
“What?”
“San toes. July San toes?”
“What?”
“San toes. July San toes?”
“I don’t think so”
” No? Judo one toes?”
“I feel really bad about this, but I don’t know what judo one toes means?”
“Toes! Toes! Why je Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?”
“English Muffin! I’ve got it! You were saying “Toast”. Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.”
“We bother?”
“No, just put the bother on the side?”
“Wad?”
“I mean butter- just put it on the side”
“Copy?”
“Sorry?”
“Copy…tea…mill?”
“Yes. Coffee please, and that’s all.”
“One minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish moppingwe bother honey sigh and copy…rye?”
“Whatever you say”
“Tendjewberryjud”
“You’re welcome.”

Amazingly, Shelley Berman is in his 7th decade of show business now with a bunch of awards such as Grammys and Emmies to his name. And even has a facebook fan page.

Till next time, tenjewberryjud, and share with us YOUR best and worst room service experiences ...